In what can only be described as a big win for feminism, Christine Michael finally took hold of the Seattle Seahawks lead back role and … oh wait, Christine Michael is not a woman? Just a guy with a woman’s first name? Still, this should be considered some kind of half win, right? Either way, The Feminist led the way with 16 carries for 84 yards. The experts told you to pick up Bryce Brown, which should have had you scrambling to the waiver wire to pick up Michael, because the experts don’t know shit. Brown lagged behind with only 9 carries. The Feminist will be the preferred play next week vs. the St. Louis Rams.

If you missed out on The Feminist because you thought a woman just did not have the strength to be a starting NFL running back, which is reasonable, but also, shame on you, New England Patriots running back Brandon Bolden seemed to be the safer choice. After LeGarrette Blount got hurt last week, Bolden dominated the carries. He was the only between the tackles runner on the roster, in a game New England was sure to pound the football. But Bill Belichick does not only hate playing by the rules, he also hates your fantasy team. Joey Iosefa was signed off the practice squad the day before the game, and immediately out carried Bolden 14-10. Both players averaged 3.6 yards per carry, just in case you thought Belichick did it for any other reason than to piss you off. Bolden is not to be trusted next week vs. the New York Jets. Neither is Iosefa. And neither is Belichick, under any circumstance.

If you decided to stay away from Brown and Bolden yesterday, maybe you tested your luck with one of the Carolina Panthers running backs. In which case, it probably did not work out any better. Early in the week, the experts told you the easy handcuff for Jonathon Stewart all year, Cameron Artis-Payne, had been passed on the depth chart by Fozzy Whitaker. Then they said it could also be Mike Tolbert. And by the end of the week, they said it could be Artis-Payne after all. So the experts narrowed it down to one of the running backs on the roster. Thanks guys. Whitaker ended up with 2 carries, and Tolbert 5 carries. Artis-Payne led the way with 14 carries for 59 yards, adding 2 catches for 34 yards. If Stewart misses more time, Artis-Payne should continue to see the most carries, and is the preferred play next week vs. the Atlanta Falcons.

Tonight’s Monday Night Football game, the Detroit Lions vs. the New Orleans Saints, will have major fantasy football playoff implications for every league. The experts say New Orleans running back, Tim Hightower, is the best play tonight …

By Michael Halpern

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